PIRACY OF THIS SITE’S CONTENT


A PERSONAL NOTE TO MY UNKNOWN & UNSEEN FANS

BY MARK L. GOLDEN

             


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Hookers, Hooters and All Sorts of Long-Legged,  Big Busty Women Unite in Lawn Care Color Blind Citizens Sue Over Red, White & Blue   READ in PDF


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Welcome to the depository of works that have come from my fancy mind. It being the only mind I’ve ever had, doesn’t mean that I’ve learned how to properly manage the clutter in order to better create . The need to creatively express what I conceive of, and envision, has been a long exasperating and at times, pleasant road.

When God “tags” you with creativity resistance is futile. The desire to decorate, adorn, ornament and do something showy, whether tiny or huge, is there for a lifetime. Concern for effect and style is inescapable.

Creative people have ups and downs in attempts to achieve their own distinct style. Creative drives must be bridled and disciplined for the imagination to be exercised into finished products for others to see, hear or touch. The process has a curious trait – anticipating what others are going to think of the piece. Once the fertile soil of a fan base (of any size) occurs, new seeds are found in the fancy-minded person that can: increase beauty; understanding; laughter; enjoyment; morality and even spirituality in our world community. Such fancy ideas sprout easier and the finished products just might last longer knowing that you have an audience laced with positive expectations.

As you look at my fancy-ness on my pages consider this. The opposite of effort is for someone who is un-fancy or simply fancy-challenged, to steal away my authorship and ideas from the hours of a creative process per piece, plus the years of growth, learning and cost from amateur to professional. This for their own self-centeredness and unearned profit!

Take note that current technologies and the Internet allow thievery of artistic achievements by sincere and insincere “fans.” The temptations are endless. The objects of desire easy to acquire.


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God Turns Down Royalties From Bible

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Not Quite Right News by Mark Lee Golden

Copyright 2017  Mark Lee Golden  markleegoldenwriter.com

Snakes Behind and Snakes Ahead

 

In 2006 the snake-fest movie Snakes on a Plane was released. The $33,000,000 horror movie budget had medium success. The cost to make the frightening film earned a worldwide box office gross of $62,000,000. This bad B movie produced by New Line Cinema continues making money as a cult film on DVD and streaming. However, the outrageous plot versus day-to-day life kept thousands of air passengers on the ground. Many used trains and rental cars. Those who did board aircraft typically carried grizzly bear strength pepper spray. Meanwhile, airport concession stands sold pricey, fang-proof Kevlar stockings, (protecting the primary bite-zone) available in camouflage and black. These became a favorite for travelers. Airport scammers sold vials of anti-venom in volumes. Many in-flight passengers never went to the restroom no matter what their bladder demanded. Most kept their feet raised on the edge of the seat with arms wrapped around their legs. This protective measure caused severe cramps. Physical therapists and licensed massage therapists noticed a ten-percent increase shortly after the popularity of the farce movie.

Individual and class action lawsuits, and investigations into air safety by the Federal Aviation Agency (FAA) flooded the legal channels. “Reduction of, or complete loss of, peace-of -mind” were the main charges by plaintiffs. Sadly, no amount of money could take away fear of the 2,900 species of snakes located from Scandinavia to Australia. Psychologists and counselors saw the money slithering in as a result of the increased paranoia. Clients complained of seeing snakes under every bush and around every corner. They imagined snakes patiently waiting in home medicine cabinets, toilets, and microwave ovens, dishwashers, coiled under bed pillows and in vehicle glove compartments. One month after the movie opened, prescriptions for anti-depressants and firearm purchases shot up over ten percent.

At airport entrances protesters were all too common. They carried signs reading “Lapdogs on laps go. NO reptiles in cargo!” This became a rallying cry of the bewildered and delusional.

For over a year, pilots, flight attendants were required to watch special webinars produced by the FAA titled, “You Can Fly Free of Fear.” This computerized video included more than one flight attendant with a friendly snake in hand, or sliding around her neck and shoulders during the typical safety speech using directional hand motions: exits fore and aft, emergency water landing, oxygen masks, etc. Most computerized virtual passengers showed no interest or alarm at seeing the silent serpentine companion. One passenger unbuckles her belt and races to pet the cold-blooded, docile mascot. All is well.

Coincidentally in 2006, within days of Snakes on a Plane another snake filled movie came out. This straight-to-video release, action-thriller, called Snakes on a Train was released by Asylum Movie Productions. Critics said the motion picture “lacked venom.” The $1,000,000 budget could be the reason. Again, psychologists and counselors saw more money due to paranoia. The movie’s climax is a super-giant snake that consumes an entire Amtrak train. Not many movies have a snake gobble a train. A significant number of airplane travelers had switched to train travel but now the rails lay cursed as well.

Amtrak developed a pamphlet entitled “Snakes, Your Best Friend” and placed these in every seat pocket. Stewards handed out plush pink and blue, goofy-faced snake dolls to children, unless the parents objected. These were tenderly called Serpent Sally or Serpent Steve. A gender-free, rainbow colored doll was also available, called Wiggles.

Due to the venomous reaction and lasting effects on millions of movie watchers, and a potential round of fresh lawsuits, Asylum Movie Productions has chosen a different path, one with less slithering. In a recent interview, a spokeswoman expressed pride concerning their new endeavor.

“Our latest production will be trimmed down. Man’s love/hate relationship with reptiles is filmed in a remote village in China. The script requires a cast of only two actors, one American female tourist who speaks no Chinese, one Chinese man who speaks no English, a handful of snakes and one rickshaw. Yes. A hand-drawn rickshaw―which is a small, light vehicle with two wheels, pulled by one man on foot. A rickshaw will help keep production costs way down. The one used for the movie has an added compact luggage holder on the rear. That’s where the snakes come into play. Or, out to play might be more accurate.”

Suppressing a giggle, the spokesperson shouted “SPOILER ALERT!” and then continued, “The passenger’s bag is mistakenly switched with a satchel owned by a visiting serpentologist. Of course the soft leather satchel is filled with fussy specimens of all sizes and shapes. Let the writhing begin! The overheated, bored snakes chew through several leather latches on the bag. The chemicals in the leather dye turn the snakes into a biting frenzy. They chew holes through the satchel, hoping for more chemicals.” The speaker waved her arms in jest. “Suspense ensues! They escape and find their way to the quiet, contemplative female passenger…to do what snakes do.

“The driver hears the woman’s screams. She is no snake charmer. Frightened, he speeds up his pace, failing to understand the English “Stop! Help! Stop!” The shocked rickshaw driver thinks if he runs faster the threatening snakes won’t catch him. But, being a little dull, he doesn’t get the simple math involved. It’s the old story of the trotting donkey trying to nab the carrot on the driver’s stick. But here we have snakes, and no carrot, no donkey, only a man. But this quickened pace cannot separate the driver from the unwanted fang-baring passengers sliding forward. The snapping mouths finally reach their handy prey.”

Asylum Productions also said that due to the potential lawsuit issues, they’ll be keeping Snakes on a Rickshaw on a tight budget of $10,000 and keep the movie short. The spokeswoman said, “For this story, 15 minutes is all it should take. The rickshaw driver was willing to do his job for his normal wages―since he’s never seen a movie or knows what television is. The real cost is flying the small crew to China and back and a few rice bowls here and there. We’ve still got leftover snakes from the last movie, so that will help too.”

So movie watchers, get ready for this latest, scariest, weirdest, goriest, dumbest, most ridiculous snake film in sometime. Oh! Best avoid going to China for a few years.

Asylum’s spokeswoman did announce, “A new series of family-friendly movies with less gore and violence, the working titles are Gnomes on a Plane and Gnomes on a Train.” She added with a knowing smile, “Gnomes are very big right now.”





Another story from REAL LIFE (that I made up!) This parody news story is for amusement. Any similarity to real people, places or things is fictitious and not to be taken as fact.




Not Quite Right News from Mark Golden


Astronomers Find Rock Too Big for Even God to Lift

Copyright 2016 Mark Lee Golden     markleegoldenwriter.com

Earth

Rabbis believe that our first parents, Adam and Eve, started playing this particular perennial theological ping pong ball game. Rabbis reckon that after one of the couple’s first marital spats, Adam tried to catch the fuming first lady off-guard with this intriguing, and hopefully distracting, philosophical question. “Hun, I was wondering, do you think our Creator could ever create a rock soooo big that even He couldn’t lift it? Hmm, honey?”

Legend has it that clever Eve, shrugged her perfect shoulders, shook her perfect head and while looking at the stars she exhaled through clenched teeth and cynically exclaimed, “Y’know, I liked you better before the whole forbidden fruit thing!”



                       


                        


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